Little Boys With No Ears: Innocence Lost
Natosha Monroe
Today I’m writing about something that is very disturbing and not uncommon here in Afghanistan. It’s not pleasant to write about, but I feel an obligation to do so since I’m here and seeing the realities for myself. I hope that sharing this information with those in my field will help in some way—if not directly, perhaps at least by gaining a better understanding of what the Afghan people must endure and also to better understand the frustration of U.S. Troops who return from this environment.
Once I started visiting with Soldiers who have been off-post and have seen the country on foot and from the windows of their vehicles, I started to hear similar stories of what they sometimes see: little boys with no ears and evidence of sexual abuse. While I had heard about the marginalization of women and of the poorer citizens of the country, I can’t recall ever hearing anything about the sexual abuse of little boys in Afghanistan or the Taliban practice of cutting off their ears. I remember thinking it odd that child rape was highlighted not once but twice in the novel, The Kite Runner—but now I realize it wasn’t so odd after all since the story took place in Afghanistan. Since my first few days here, I’ve heard very similar accounts from multiple reliable sources in addition to numerous stories from Soldiers I’ve just met. The stories and accounts are too similar to not hold some truth, although to be honest I’ve always found it easier to think things like, “Surely that’s exaggerated” or “that’s really horrible but I’m sure it’s very rare.” But unfortunately I know for a fact there are at least some threads of truth to the horrific stories because I’ve now seen it for myself this past week.
On my usual walk to the office, I passed by the hospital waiting room for U.S. military and local Afghan citizens. As usual, there were families and a couple of burqua-clad women but what caught my eye was a cute little boy in traditional Afghan clothing. He was perhaps three or four years old. As I walked by, he had a look of confusion on his face at this woman wearing pants and then a look of fear crept over his face when he saw the large weapon slung over my shoulder. When our eyes met I smiled to convey he shouldn’t be afraid. He smiled back and then turned excitedly to look at his father as if to say, “Did you see that?” And that’s when I saw he had no ears. I looked away so not to stare but the image stayed in my mind all the way back to my office. It was evident there was no previous medical procedure or birth defect—they were obviously cut off without precision of any kind. For the first time in months, I felt tears in my eyes and I needed a moment alone or I knew they’d soon spill over.
If you’ve seen the cover of a recent Time magazine which featured an earless, noseless Afghan woman, this may not be surprising to hear about. That particular edition on my desk at the mTBI program House struck up more than one conversation about how “messed up this country is” and how “messed up the Afghan culture is” as some of the guys put it. Now, before you knee-jerk to those statements by thinking something like, “that’s not nice to say,” realize what these guys have witnessed and seen first-hand that has upset them to the point that they’ve formed such opinions. Thousands of miles away back home in The States it’s simple to romanticize the culture of burqua-clad women and prayer several times a day. But that’s not the entire truth and there are much darker shadows of evil “norms” that the Troops here have seen first-hand.
One Soldier told me of a patrol in a rural town upon which they found an “old man forcing a little boy” to perform oral sex. Another Soldier told me of his friend who was on guard tower duty next to the quarters of Afghan officials who heard noises of one Afghan man and “his little boy” that he kept in his quarters for sex. The Soldiers in such situations are not allowed to do anything that might be “culturally upsetting” to the Afghans—yet they are caught in a moral predicament because they want to help the children. In one case Soldiers separated a man from the child forcefully which led to complaints to their command. Can you imagine stumbling upon a child rape and having to worry about getting into trouble for helping the child? Can you imagine the feeling of frustration as you help one group of people fight against another but you see both “cultures” embracing the principle of “women are for procreation and boys are for recreation”? These are the difficult realities our Troops face.
Before anyone gets angry at the lack of “cultural sensitivity,” let me emphasize that I have no proof of the prevalence and I have not personally witnessed a child rape. (And I won’t due to the nature of my job.) I’m also not saying for a moment that all Afghans participate in these acts. But I also do not discount the truth in the stories Troops have told me and I believe it is naïve to do so. And while I realize it is easier and more comfortable not to discuss such things, pretending this abuse is not occurring here is an injustice to the victims. Due to the fact that it’s a taboo topic amongst the men and that visitors are not exactly encouraged to speak to women here, I think it will be difficult to adequately research the impacts upon Afghan society. That being said, I think that organizations which are dedicated to human rights and fighting child abuse should acknowledge this and do what they can to be advocates for these children who have no voice against their perpetrators. I’m no expert on the effects this kind of abuse has upon children, but I can’t help but think the allowance of it must have an impact upon the Afghan communities and culture overall. I’ve asked a few people in psychology-related fields who have told me that regardless of an increased “normalcy” in comparison to the U.S., the effects of child sexual abuse still have the ability to drastically damage the developing psyche. This makes me wonder: “What happens to that child as he grows up?”
Does he feel shame, guilt, confusion? Does he feel hopeless, powerless, unworthy of anything better? Does he too become an abuser? And here are some other difficult questions: Will such a culture change and begin to embrace human rights and equality? Is it our job/duty to see that it does? Should we just give up or should we fight for those who can’t fight for themselves? Should we just stay home and enjoy the oblivion of our fast food and reality show news? I don’t pretend to know the answers to any of these questions. I’m just one of many hopeful Soldiers doing their jobs here in this foreign place.
Natosha Monroe is an Army Reserve Mental Health Specialist stationed in Afghanistan. She is a counselor and PhD candidate passionate about increasing Troop access to counseling services. Her blog contents are not representative of the Army or Department of Defense in any way.
Natosha,
Thank you for writing this, I have been thinking about it since yesterday. I want to commend you for writing it and for being sensitive about labeling, assuming, and judging. I feel my reactions to your story will not be as articulate as yours were. I am not sure what to say, or even how to respond, but I wanted you to know that what you have shared was read…and is continuing to be processed. I don’t think I have much insight to offer, but I wanted to respond.
I can’t begin to imagine what it is like in Afghanistan, to see and hear what you do. I have thought about the stories you shared and the questions you asked. In reading the stories the overwhelming sense of helplessness seem to come through and I kept thinking, if US soldiers feel helpless in being able to protect children -even if they were found in an abusive act because of “red tape” then what can I, or anyone else do?
I feel a need / desire to help these children, as well as gain some understanding of what takes place and why. It is quite the debate about “who responsibility it is” to protect, make / enforce rules to protect…It is unsettling and sickening that horrible, abusive acts are being perpetrated on those who cannot protect themselves where there doesn’t seem to be in place a law/structure to protect them either.
I have tried to find any information… I know there are humanitarian groups who have helped women and children from Afghanistan who have been victims of mutilation and abuse…but I am not aware of who/what the groups are called. And from what I read it seems that the abuse and mutilation is carried out by those who are part of the Taliban. However, I feel totally unqualified to speak of anything from the middle east as I have never been and I am most definitely not an expert on the cultures, religions, and traditions of people from the middle east.
Your words stirred something up in me and I want to help, in anyway I can. I wish politics and bureaucratic policies and control did not play such a major role sometimes in what others can do to help to dictate when, where, and who may have exchanges of humanity.
I can’t help but think of horrific abuse, mutilation and “practices” that are taking place all over the world and have been excused or justified by those not geographically in a certain place as “traditions”, “normal for them”, or “not a problem as it is not happening in my streets or town”. Even though it may not be the ‘right’ of anyone to tell anyone else what is ‘wrong or right’ …when it comes to children being hurt, mutilated, tortured and/or enslaved–it seems like all that political and red tape should go out the window (yes, that is totally a raw gut reaction) -and that the children needs and protection should come first. Maybe I am wrong and too passionate about it…possibly. I just find it hard to believe or have too much hope that the bureaucratic adults who are in the powerful positions that do engage in these discussions –will have or have had the best interest of the children in mind when deciding if it is okay to allow others or law(s) to step in and protect those who cannot protect themselves. I am a believer of fighting and advocating for those who cannot fight for themselves–who have no voice. Isn’t that what humanity is about? What is our responsibility to our fellow human beings if not to help them when we have the ability to? It may be coined as a political debate that is needed to find answers or as a debate on needing to be sensitive to cultures and traditions of others–but at the sacrifice of what or who? It just seems when looking at this through a political lent it can become clouded and confusing about who/what/why…but looked at through the heart lens -if you will-as with that perspective it seems to be more simple clear of what my role ought to be a human being.
Tosha,
What a privilige to read your blog and learn from it. I want to acknowledge you for BEING there to assist others in these most challenging times. Know that what you are doing there is such a selfless way to be in service to those who so desperately need a good listener. May God Bless You. What a gift you are to the WORLD.
Much Love,
Teresa
Hello Natosha,
First I want to thank you for your service, Thank YOU! Your story is quite compelling and I appreciate the effort it took for you to put such words into the reality of writing. I do not have any answers myself but agree with you that those organizations who support children’s rights may be able to have a significant impact on these cruel practices.
I also have the goal of making mental health services readily available for our troop members without the stigma that has been attached to mental illness. Being a witness to the events you have described would certainly leave scars that cannot be seen by the eye of a physician.
I am earning my Masters degree in Mental Health Counseling. I live in a city, Pittsburgh, Pa, where the VA serves many veterans. Once I have earned my license I would like to work there.
Thank you again Natosha for your service and for bringing this situation to the readers attention.
Take Care and Stay Safe!
Tracey Shoemaker
What is the cultural norm that leads to ears and noses being cut off? Is that done by the rapist or by someone else punishing the child or woman for being raped?
This broke my heart. I don’t know what to do. Thank you for being honest about what you saw without worrying about being politically correct.
Natosha, I am retired from the Army after 25 years. I was a Middle East Foreign Area Officer (FAO). This practice is not confined to Afghanistan but is prevalent throughout the Middle East. When I was in Saudi Arabia for one year immediately after Desert Storm, I was involved with medical ex-pats who told me stories from the fertility clinics of women who could not get pregnant although they had been married and “sexually active” with their husbands for a year or more claiming to have had intercourse. Upon examination, it was found that their hymens were still intact. Although not publicized or advertised, it is common and encouraged for boys to practice sex with other “boys” but when they marry, they are confused by the “different feminine parts” so to say.
Even more disturbing was my latest experience as an advisor/mentor to one of the Afghan National Army Corps where officers and NCOs has lower enlisted (privates/corporals) on the list of authorized personnel for the staff section who were only “chai boys” and sex servants. Some of them are in the offices just sitting in the corner waiting for the next command to provide sex for the supervisor. Unfortunately, the Afghan military is still a reflection of the society which has far different norms than we of the Western mindset.
The elimination of the Taliban is not going to stop these practices. International slave trade, human trafficking and sexual abuse will continue to be rampant throughout the Middle East, Southwest Asia and Africa will continue as long as the International Community turns its head “hoping” the problem will solve itself through acculturation with Western Aid agencies. It will take far more than that. In my opinion, it will take at least two generations of concentrated effort and education to eradicate the problem. Until then, we have to do what we can, one by one, person, by person and location by location, to impress the standard of human dignity and propriety in order to raise the esteem and awareness to finally eliminate the problem.
For now, we have to wait and tolerate although many of us are stirred, at least to the minimum, to compassion, hoping we do not get to anger.
Thank you for writing this blog. It brings tears to my eyes to hear about these abuses against women and children. Yes, there are groups to address these issues and then bring social action to stop them. However, the lasting effects on women and children are forever where they that would benefit from support groups and intensive counseling. Here in Massachusetts, there is one support group I heard of where children from war-torn countries meet to discuss their issues. Lutheran Social Services has taken the lead on this. I don’t know if they are still having these support groups.
Cathi,
Thanks so much for putting what’s on your heart and mind out there. That sometimes is a tough thing to do—I know it was for me. I know I feel sometimes that I have to be SO CAREFUL not to “offend” people even though what I am saying is right. There was a similar debate in one of my courses not long ago–we were asked at what point we would be comfortable adhering to various “cultural sensitivities” in regard to the marginalization of women. I researched international codes of ethics (psychology-related) and found that yes, of course we are to be culturally sensitive but NOT to the degree that it enables/goes along with inhumane acts.
So for me, although it’s not “comfortable”, I will not be quiet about such things because I know that in my field it is the ethical thing to do.
I am glad you and others are looking into this, because I don’t feel that I’m in a position to do so at the moment, not via research and computer that is. As for what can we do? I’m not sure. But if nothing else, I feel obligated to acknowledge the plight of people enduring such horrors and hope for change and not ignore it. I think the victims deserve that much. Thank you for writing
Teresa,
Thank you for your encouraging words. Today in particular was a rough day, so believe me when I tell you it helps so much to be reminded that my time here is worth it. I know it is, but after tough days it’s nice to be reminded.
As for this issue of the abuse of children, I am sure there is much to be learned–I realize I’m in no position to go out in the country and learn more, being that I’m a woman and it’s so dangerous for anyone. It does make me realize how fortunate I am to have been born in America where I’m allowed to have a voice. I am so thankful that there were people a hundred years ago to speak up for women so we can have that right.
Tracey,
Thank you for your support and for taking the time to respond. I really wasn’t sure how this information would be received. But I think one of the major points I wanted to convey must have come across, because you said, “Being a witness to the events you have described would certainly leave scars that cannot be seen by the eye of a physician”. That is so true! And Troops discussing this with me is something that I’ve only become privy to after spending hours with them. What initially comes out of their mouths is the “insensitive” talk such as “this country is so f-ed up” or “I don’t care anymore what happens to these people” or “there’s no use”. And after talking through those thoughts, and peeling back the defensive harsh layers–it’s revealed that they’ve seen and/or their buddies have seen such horrible things that it’s easy to see that becoming harsh about it helps them to cope. And the feelings of frustration and helplessness they have about what they see-I can’t imagine. I have just seen the people who come to us in the hospital. I’m not out seeing it regularly.
I’m so glad you are pursuing work with the Troops once you graduate–it seems like you possess the kind of empathy they are needing. They may come off as harsh sometimes–and you seem to “get it” and will not stereotype them as I have seen done before. Also, since you are interested in this topic please encourage fellow counselors to talk about helping to get our profession into the military–right now there has been no update of the military job positions to include counselors, so our Troops do not have professional counselors while they are deployed. I have seen that they would really benefit from professional counseling and there is a “shortage of mental health professionals.”
Liz,
I see your point. I’m not sure what the rationale is behind it, I’ve wondered if there was something but I don’t understand. Have you read the article in Time magazine with the Afghan woman on the cover? I believe it was from July. Based on what I read there (and I’ve not researched further) I would assume it’s simply to punish in a way that shows others the terror of what they will face if they cross the Taliban. As for the child under the age of 5, I can’t imagine what the child may have done. But then again, I heard of a soccer field that was shot up this past week and I don’t see logic in that either other than striking fear. I really don’t know.
RelaxedCounselor,
Thanks for your support–and don’t let me fool you, I am worried about not being politically correct, ha. But sometimes right is right and I can thank my family for bringing me up in a way that has made that my foundation. Although the passion for “what’s right” has gotten me into trouble now and then–but I’m reminded of a quote by Einstein that spurs me on at times: Over time great spirits have often been met with violent opposition by mediocre minds”.
Retired Army,
First of all, thank you for sharing this. Since you are now a “civilian” you can speak a bit more freely than I so thanks for sharing factual information with the readers.
I think you are right when you say, “it will take at least two generations of concentrated effort and education to eradicate the problem. Until then, we have to do what we can, one by one, person, by person and location by location, to impress the standard of human dignity and propriety in order to raise the esteem and awareness to finally eliminate the problem”. I think that is the best course of action and the most rational way to look at things.
Thank you for your prior service and for your on-going interest in helping others.
Robbin,
Thanks for your support and thank you for sharing this information. This is not an area I know much about or have previous knowledge/experience. I am so glad to know there are people out there passionate about helping women and children and organizations to address this. I realize it’s easy for some to want to just ignore it, but I’m just not that kind of person and I couldn’t do that. Politics are a whole ‘nother issue and I’m not going to pretend to understand that for a moment either. I just hope that someone sparks an interest in this region someday like has happened in other nations for human rights for the people here. I’m glad someone did it in America at times in our history. Not that our country’s perfect by any means but at least we have laws in place to protect people.
Hey Tosha,
I do greatly admire your blog, well written and thought inspiring to say the least. I want you to know that I most appreciate your willingness to approach such a subject. Dealing with cultural differences (extreme in this case) that usually tie in to theological conflicts as well as foreign policy, the psychological impact of rape and the fact that it is same sex rape is quite a task. You took it head on and landed a very balanced article. Kudos to you, former classmate.
Hey David! (Sorry, still David to me) Thanks for checking out my blog and for your kudos. And you’re right–it wasn’t the easiest thing to bring up. Gotta take the difficult road sometimes, right? Especially when the impact can be a positive one for those who need it. Hope you are doing well in your life endeavors!