Learning the art of being still
Nicole Michaud
Silence is golden, or so they say. There are times when we crave for silence above all else. In other moments silence can feel like the most awkward and uncomfortable situations we can imagine. For example, when we are among an unfamiliar group of people it can allow us to create doubts about ourselves in the eyes of those around us. Drawn out silences often give a powerful voice to all the insecurities we hold inside.
There are always those who are quick to fill the silence with anything possible just to avoid the tension or uneasiness. I admit I tend to let these people take over in crowded situations because I am a softer spoken person. I tend to like to observe larger situations until I feel comfortable. I will jump in when I feel more confident with those around me. There are also those who know me well who may think I never stop talking.
When I did my first number of sessions I immediately felt that it was my job to “fill the void” in quiet moments. The silences made me feel highly uneasy. I could feel myself growing internally anxious as the seconds ticked by. I struggled to come up with the right words in my mind and to find something “profound” to add to the discussion. I feared the client would find me incompetent if I did not respond in a meaningful way.
I began to have doubts about my ability. I saw the silences as my own failure to not know what to say. How could I not know how to find the right words? I brought my fears to my supervision group and found a valuable lesson there. The group illuminated the idea that from these silences there is a chance for thought and reflection. The silence can allow the client to process a thought that could be a key to their understanding of what is happening to them.
Silence can be uncomfortable for both parties, but it is also a powerful tool. We are not in the business of having all the answers. We are in this work to allow our clients to find the answers often hidden within their own hearts.
Nicole Michaud is a Counselor in training in Central Connecticut. She is also the voice behind the cooking Blog MyLoveForCooking.com
Nicole,
I remember when I first heard about the importance of silence in a counseling skills class, I was immediately uncomfortable just talking about it. For me, I wasn’t immediately concerned that I had to have the right thing to say all the time to fill the silence, but I just don’t like silence. I use the present tense there intentionally because in my personal life, I still don’t do much without some kind of background noise.
Sessions are different. Over the course of several years, I have become more comfortable with silence in session, likely because when it is effectively used, the clients really can make profound or emotional statements that they otherwise may not have been able to articulate. For me, this has become positive reinforcement for my use of silence, and it has become easier over the years. I can actually think of several clients who have been really instrumental in helping me to see how useful – and for that matter, even comforting – that silence can be. Working on my use of silence will be a matter of focus for the rest of my life.
When I asked one of my supervisors about how a session progressed from one point to another, neither of us could really see a connection, and the client had been unable to offer one. My supervisor agreed to “chalk it up to the magic of the therapeutic relationship.” I do that with each of these special moments, but I consciously look at each of those moments to see if silence was the true instrument of change or insight. I can only hope that those occasional therapeutically magical moments continue to happen.
This sounds to be a great and also much inspiring blog post in regards to choosing your career.
Hi Lauren
Thank you so much for your response. I really enjoyed hearing your story about your experiences with using silence in sessions. I agree that some of the most powerful moments can begin from that quiet.
Take care
Nicole
Hi Brad
Thank you for your response.
Take care
Nicole